According to Your Faith...

"According to your faith it will be done to you." - Matt. 9:29

This morning I was reading and thinking about how faith plays out in life. I'm wrestling with this, and I'd love it if others would join me. I associate faith with positive things. I believe in J's ability and plan to work all things for His glory, no matter how impossible it may seem to my human brain. This morning's new reflection is that what I believe can work against me.

I am nervous about going to training in Colorado and Beijing because I believe I'll be sad to be apart from my family and friends and it will be difficult to make new friends. Could it be true that if I have faith in those negative ideas, they will happen?

Regardless of what happens, He works things for good (Romans 8:28). I may be lonely initially, but He speaks through loneliness and that's worth celebrating. I may feel unsettled without familiar things, but He draws people to His peace through unsettling situations, and that's awesome.

Even in light of His ability to bless in any situation, what's the point of expecting things to work out badly? As a means of testing this idea, I'm going to look for amazing circumstances throughout the month of training/classes in Fort Collins and Beijing.

Here's what I expect:
- to meet people that I not only get along with, but can connect with deeply
- to learn things that will sharpen my teaching skills
- to have peace instead of homesickness

What Would I Do Without J and Protein Bars?

My hands shake when I need to eat. My morning dental procedure prevented me from having lunch, which in turn made it difficult to twist the keys off my keychain. Candy, one of Arrowhead Elementary's office managers, noticed and offered to help. I freed the keys, handed them over, and tears began to flow. Moments before, I had walked away from my empty classroom feeling grateful for all the ways He had provided there. I was proud of myself for not being overly sentimental. What was it about those keys? They were my last connection. A symbol that I belonged there. Candy hugged me tightly and gave me a protein bar. As I drove home, I spoke verses out loud and felt renewed excitement for all that's ahead. When I shared this story with my roommate later on, she said, "That sounds like you." Many, many emotional moments in my life involve me crying and eating some kind of bar. In my version of the Book, Matthew 17:20-21 would read, "I tell you the truth, if you have faith and proper blood sugar, nothing will be impossible for you."

Response to Hannah's Story

As if I could ask too much
Of the One who holds all resources
As if I could ask the impossible
Of the One who knows nothing of that word
As if I could ask for the wrong thing
From the One who refines my desires
Ridiculous.

I'm asking for more
Healing, power, unity, peace
I'm expecting more
Yeses, nos, waits. . . . wait
Knowing that He delights in my asking
Communes with my reaching
Responds before my thoughts form
Incredible.

Dedicating His answers back to His service
I'll ask for more
Until the desert floods
Mountains lay flat
Every knee bows
And every tongue confesses
Amen.

Get Over Yourself

Part of my preparation for working in China involves taking classes in July and August. A month ago, I received a large box of homework that is due when I arrive in Colorado at the end of July. I was pretty bitter about having to read multiple books and write academic papers in this time when all I want to do is play frisbee and go to barbecues. I've now read two of the assigned summer books and can honestly say I'm glad someone required me to read them (my attitude about writing the papers remains unchanged).

The most recent book was "China Road" by Rob Gifford. Up until now, I've been largely focused on how I will thrive in China. How will my teaching situation work out? Will there be any parks near my apartment? What kind of toothpaste will I buy (there are some exotic flavors available over there)? Reading this book challenged me to put myself on hold and think about life for a typical Chinese person. How are they surviving? What challenges do they face daily and in the near future? There are issues that reach far deeper than toothpaste.