Complete, Embarrassing Love

Last week’s fellowship talk was about the father’s embarrassing love. How we often ask him to show us his intimacy, but feel awkward or uncomfortable anticipating what that could look like. It might make me unacceptable to people around me. I might be compelled to act in socially weird ways. I know I’m cautious in the extent to which I engage in his love, which is a silly notion when I look at it in print. Why should I care what others think? Right now, I can type things like, ‘I want to experience the father’s love to its full extent.’ Those words are safe on the screen. They’re good, upright yearnings, and they can stay where they are – an inactive journal page. When those words come off the screen and come out of my mouth, something changes. his spirit challenges the words; testing them against the Book and his definition of love.

First John says that no one has seen the father, but through loving one another, he lives in us and his love is made complete. So, when I ask for his love, I am really asking for opportunities to love others. It’s as if he’s saying, “Brooke, do you want to see my love? You’re going to watch it coming from your own mouth and your own hands.” Rarely have I thanked him for times when showing love was difficult or uncomfortable. Those are the times when I most rely on the father’s heart for that person because my insufficiency is starkly apparent.

I yearn to live in the comfort of a predictable bubble, but I yearn to see the father’s love without boundaries. Why do I make it a tug-of-war? Is it possible that I’ll eventually delight in being uncomfortable, just so I may get one more sip of his uninhibited love? I’ve always liked more difficult hikes because it feels good to work hard for the view. Showing the father’s love is similar, only he is hiking with me, carrying the pack. This word picture is a little cheesy in a “Footsteps in the Sand” sort of way, but really powerful too.

When I consider situations where I might show love, orphanages and homeless people come to mind. Playing with a disabled Chinese orphan would certainly be a story. But, I’m guessing I won’t have to go that far today. There are neighbors in my stairwell that I could invite for dinner. Knocking on a stranger’s door and beginning that “Hello, I’m the foreigner who lives upstairs and I think we should know each other better…” conversation is terrifying. I don’t know where the opportunities will be – whether I should be looking for them, or waiting for the father to bring them, or some combination of those things.

Today, may we be presented with opportunities to love one another. May we use his resources before we come to the end of our own, so we may see his love active and complete here on earth. May he embarrass us with a love that goes beyond all intellectual capacity.

9-12-09

Today was a gorgeous Saturday. My friend Kimber and I agreed that it was the perfect day for exploring. We took a bus to Yuyuantan, a nearby park that neither of us had visited before. We got hungry and while we were looking for a place to eat, a man roasting chestnuts on the back of his bicycle tried to sell us some. I'd never eaten one before, so he gave us a free taste. He was pretty funny - I hope the photo captures some of his joi de vivre. I took some pictures and videos (too big to post now, maybe will come later!) of my neighborhood so you can get a feel for daily life. I'll try again later and I'll walk more slowly, but these are a start. I love how life is shared out on the streets here. China is such an awesome place.

Chestnut roaster:


Street haircut:

What’s To Like About Beijing?

10. The subway is clean, efficient, and has bilingual announcements at each stop.
9. Dogs are popular pets and people take good care of them.
8. Nearly all western food products are available, if you’re willing to pay more for them.
7. There’s an organic vegetable and fruit market in my neighborhood.
6. The 2008 Olympics live on.
5. History and the present are curiously intermingled; like a huge, ancient city gate next to a flashing billboard.
4. Street life – dancing, old men playing cards, musicians, food carts with big woks, bicycles…
3. One gorgeous park after another.
2. You can jog on the sidewalk and no one stares or cares (unlike my experiences in Nanchang).
1. There aren’t many places to hike, but the Great Wall is a bus ride away, and you’ve got to admit – that’s pretty sweet.

In His System, Behavior Challenges Lead to Better Relationships

I have been a teacher for seven years. Six of those years were at American public schools; one year was at a university in China. This year, I’m teaching fourth grade English at a Chinese private school. Teaching is my ideal job. I delight in finding creative ways to make information relevant and accessible to distinctive learners. I am pretty confident in my ability to teach well. There is a fine line between confidence and arrogance and maybe I was jumping between the two too much. It doesn’t matter if I was due for some humility or not, but yesterday I had an experience that took me down several notches.

One class’s behavior is really challenging. I spend most of the forty minute class trying to get the kids to sit down and stop teasing each other. A handful of students are openly defiant, talking back to me in Chinese when I discipline them. Yesterday, a boy continually rummaged through his desk, instead of participating. It became distracting, as he took things out to show the other kids. I eventually picked up the desk, moved it to the side of the room, and gave him his English book. He threw the book on the floor. I ignored him and kept teaching.

My goal was to eliminate distraction and follow through on my expectation that everyone in class participates. Still, I know I acted in anger. After class, I was still angry and I spewed the story to my American teammates, not caring that my Chinese co-workers were listening too. Later, in the teacher’s cafeteria, a head teacher spoke to me with someone translating. She explained how I set myself up as the students’ enemy and created a harsh learning environment. My response to the class’s behavior was too strict. I was shocked. I was still getting over how badly I felt I had been treated, and now I was in trouble? At the same time, I saw how my actions had created a rift in relationship. In that light, my self-justification was replaced with remorse. I began to cry, right there in the cafeteria, which was so humiliating. I didn’t sob or anything, but there was no hiding it either. I wanted to run far, far away, but managed to keep listening and ask a few questions about the best way to handle things in the future.

This incident has not really changed my views on classroom management. However, it has given me an opportunity to receive grace – from my father, even as I sat there being reprimanded, and this morning, from the head teacher, who apologized and reached out to me in her own indirect way. It has also been a place to practice putting relationship before my own needs. Relationships are highly valued in China. It takes a lot of time to develop trust. People will prioritize relationships far above any personal needs. Part of the reason I’m here is to be an ambassador of one who created the whole concept of reconciled relationships. So I apologized to the head teacher. I’m going to run the classroom more closely to the way she suggested.

Already today, there has been fruit in some of my other relationships at school. Maybe people feel like they can be real with the girl who lost it in the cafeteria! I’m swimming in grace and excited to see more doors opened so that reconciliation can be realized by everyone.