Something New Pushing Through

When I was little, I had a terrible time losing my baby teeth.  In contrast, my older brother Brent went after his teeth and worked on them until they surrendered.  He’d emerge from the bathroom, a trickle of blood at the edge of his mouth, triumphantly showing us the tooth.  I was horrified and let my own loose teeth hang by a thin thread.  I refused to let my mom pull them for me.  Sometimes the new adult tooth would push forward, making the baby tooth exit whether I was okay with that or not. 

Letting go can be tricky for me in other areas too.  Our guest room closet is my place for stashing things.  After lots of work on other parts of the house, I’d say I’m pretty good at decluttering.  The items in this closet are a different story.  They fall into the category of “so valuable to me at one point in my life, but not in use or probably ever in use again, but no idea how to proceed.”  Whew!  That’s a mouthful.  All this is to say, it’s my decluttering dead end.

Today, I approached the guest room closet with fresh determination.  I took everything out and began sorting into piles.  Surprisingly, I was able to let go of things.  My Keep pile is a small fraction of the whole.  There is a papercut art design from China in the giveaway pile.  I shredded a huge stack of old paperwork and notes that I’d kept for a decade “just in case”.  I took the photos out of a huge frame that I’d used to make a collage of my international travels.  The photos are going in an album and I’m selling the mammoth frame.  These were all so important, so valuable, in their season.  How can I let them go so easily when even a year ago, I couldn’t do it?  This is what I was wondering the whole time.  I was trying to figure myself out.

I think it’s because the adult tooth, so to speak, is pushing through.  More clearly than before, something new is arriving.  We need space in that room for a foster child.  I can recognize the items’ past value and see that they are not needed for where I am or where I’m going.  As I went through the items, I thought of what a child might enjoy having in the room.  I talked with God in my head about the past and wondered what the future would look like.  There is so much more to decluttering than just making physical space.  God is also making emotional, mental, and spiritual space for His new thing to come into my family’s life.   

I researched "verses about God and new things" and this is what I found:

• Ecclesiastes 3:1  There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens. 

• Isaiah 43:19  See, I am doing a new thing!  Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?  I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland. 

• James 1:17  Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows. 

• Hebrews 13:8  Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever. 

• Joshua 1:9  Have I not commanded you?  Be strong and courageous.  Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.

As I see it, there are parallel truths occurring here:  God brings new things in their seasons AND God is unchangingly with us always.  His constancy is the very thing that enables me to embrace the new.  To make space (as Brent did 😊).  To let go.  I can do it because my foundation isn’t changing.  God keeps me secure as I go on to new adventures.

Thank you, my loving God, for all the beautiful steps of faith we’ve gotten to walk together so far.  Thank you for the life I had as a single woman.  I’m grateful to have seen and lived so many amazing stories.  You are bringing the next thing and I praise you for helping me make space for it.  I don’t know the full extent of what you have for our family, but thank you for everything.  Amen.

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A Foster Journey Under Quarantine

In January of this year, my husband and I attended an orientation for prospective foster families.  There’s more to the story of how we got to that point, but for today, I want to share about our foster journey in the past month. 

In the past month, nothing has happened towards getting licensed.  A month ago, we were scheduled to have our first home visit.  That week, our licensor cancelled and let us know she was switching jobs so we’d be assigned to another licensor.  Weeks passed with no communication.  During those quiet weeks, our world changed in other significant ways.  Because of the Corona Virus Pandemic, we entered a season of staying at home that’s still in effect as I write this.  I had no idea how this pause would positively change our foster journey.

Backing up a bit, you should know that once we said yes to fostering, I dove in.  I took the training classes online so I could learn during my boys’ naptime.  Every day I took a class, I cried and journaled to process what I was learning.  For me, part of choosing foster care means choosing to see things in our community that I’d rather not know about.  I started with this naïve idea that maybe we’d help a less traumatized child.  You know, eat snacks and read books until their mom and dad got jobs again.  My friend who is a current foster parent reminded me that for a child to be removed from home, significant trauma has occurred.  Not only that, but the very act of being removed is in itself a trauma.  These reasons and situations were hard to learn.

After completing training, my brain fixated on all of my parenting flaws.  There seems to be a high bar for being licensed.  That’s a good thing, but for me, it was intimidating.  Jeff and I would be welcoming outside scrutiny and control over our home and parenting.  Every time I dealt with something with my little boys, I’d think, ‘A social worker would reject us for sure if s/he knew I just yelled at the kids.’  It made me so anxious.

Then, the lull came.  A month of quarantined quiet.  No classes, no paperwork, or anything foster-related.  No activities of any other kind either.  Do you know what happened?  By God’s grace, I’m becoming a more peaceful parent.  Who would’ve thought that no breaks from my kids would eventually strengthen our relationship?  That’s God for you. 

I say eventually because it’s still a day by day journey.  When we foster, we won’t be able to spank.  I don’t spank often, but because of choosing fostering, I’ve been trying to build other tools in my parenting tool belt by disciplining my boys the way I’m supposed to treat a foster child.  It’s caused me to slow way down instead of being quick and reactive.  It’s caused me to listen and teach, rather than ignore and punish.  Being outside a lot helps so much too, I think.  We’re all happier in the fresh air.  This new way of approaching discipline has especially benefited my relationship with my four year old.  He is a fighter, a negotiator, and would daily wear me down.  Now, when he sees me kneel down and say, “Looks like you’re angry.  Want a hug or help solving the problem?”, suddenly his guard goes down.  It certainly doesn’t look perfect, but perfect is no longer the goal.

That brings me to the next amazing change during this month of our foster journey being paused:  I don’t feel that same stress of being evaluated.  I really like our family.   I am happy with who we are and what we have to offer a child who needs a spot to stay for a while.  How could we ever be perfect?  Kids who stay with us will get scrapes and bruises from time to time, not because our home is unsafe, but because we love to run and play here.  Kids who stay with us will make mistakes and have times to learn better coping skills.  But guess what?  That’s what the four of us are doing every day too!  Join the crew!  We’ve done what we can to comply with the rules and are ready to offer our regular old selves for service.

Because of these unique times we’re living in, our first home study is scheduled again…. but on Zoom.  Here we go!

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