Letters About Control

To my students:

Teaching has been tough lately.

Our classroom is full of interrupting, impulsive behavior, and rude comments.

Simple instructions turn into total chaos.

In the staff room, I tell the other teachers that my day is not going well,

My students are out of control, I say.

They microwave their lunches and offer sympathetic words.

After school, your PE teacher stopped by,

He sat on your desk and listened.

I told him you wrote the F-bomb on your Math book,

I told him how you crawl under tables,

I told him I don’t know how to get your attention.

In our talking, I realized something important:

My day is not determined by your behavior.

You can throw a fit, kick someone at recess, or refuse to do your homework.

That’s up to you.

It turns out, I still get to be happy and full of peace.

I’ve tried to control you so I don’t feel out of control.

Today, I release you to make decisions

I’ll be right there with you,

Offering guidance,

Learning from mistakes,

Celebrating achievements.

But your day won’t be my day. 

I’m going to make my own choices.

To my God:

Is this lesson I’ve just learned from my students

Something You’ve practiced all along?

When I’m screaming at You, angry and defiant,

Are You still having a good day?

Are You in control but lovingly letting me choose?

When I make a mistake,

You’re there.

It’s not the end of the world, after all.

When I sin the same way, again and again

And again,

You haven’t given up.

So, God,

Would You be for my students what I can’t be?

Indwell me and show them the grace they need in their faltering?

Would You love them through me?

My class doesn’t have authority over my decisions,

But I invite You to.