I Could Never Do That

 

When we began the process of being a foster family, it was common for people to say, “I could never do that.”  I didn’t say this out loud, but I often thought, “Maybe I’m not going to make it either.”  But, my husband and I still felt strongly about serving this way.  So, we continued checking off licensing requirements.

 

It took a year of starts and stops to get licensed.  Because the process was so long, I was looking forward to actually hosting a child.  We’d had a room set up for most of the year.  After praying over my own kids at bedtime, I’d pause in the doorway of our other room and pray for the child who’d one day occupy it.  We said yes to two little girls shortly after getting licensed and have had them with us for two months now. 

 

The first month was a huge transition.  We went from two to four kids, aged five and under.  I was in my first trimester of a welcome pregnancy.  I say that because I think the assumption might be that adding a baby to this mix would have to be a surprise.  Not the case.  In the fall, we felt God asking us to be willing to have another biological baby.  A friend put just the right words to it for me.  She said, “You just said yes to some beautiful things and they all happened at the same time.”

 

In that first month, not only were we adjusting to being a larger family – more laundry, more dishes, more tantrums, more groceries – but how to help little girls experiencing trauma.  For weeks, they cried every night at bedtime and at intervals throughout the night.  The younger sister tested our boundaries behaviorally, seeing what was okay (coloring at the table) and not okay (coloring on the windows).  Our boys have had increased needs as they adapt to sharing parents and toys with new siblings.  All of this is perfectly expected and part of the process. 

 

It felt impossible though.  It felt like “I could never do that.” 

 

One night, feeling exhausted and depleted, this verse came to mind (thank you, Holy Spirit):  Matthew 19:26, “With men, this is impossible; but with God, all things are possible.” 

 

Jesus was talking about salvation, but I received the wisdom for my situation.  What a relief.  It is okay that this is beyond me.  It is okay that I don’t know what I’m doing and I have to take moment by moment, asking God for patience and wisdom.  In acknowledging the impossible, I began to access the resources that make every day beautifully possible.

When my focus is off my personal failings and instead turned to God, my perfect support and supplier of all good resources, this is possible.  Sometimes, it looks like friends providing dinner.  Sometimes, it looks like learning a more efficient way to do bath night.  Sometimes, it looks like being willing to hold a child when I’d rather be by myself.  Sometimes, it looks like actually enjoying the chaos – the silly giggles at dinner, the running through the house shrieking and chasing each other, the “Mom! Watch me!” at the park.  God has good ideas.  Deeper than that, God is in control of these girls’ little lives and the tough, unanswered questions about what will happen in their life stories.  He makes good possible there too. 

 

So, I guess the answer to “I could never do that” is “Me neither.”  But God sure can and He’s the reason I can.

 

Is there something impossible in your life?  May I pray with you for God to be the wonderfully possible part of your equation?

 

Something New Pushing Through

When I was little, I had a terrible time losing my baby teeth.  In contrast, my older brother Brent went after his teeth and worked on them until they surrendered.  He’d emerge from the bathroom, a trickle of blood at the edge of his mouth, triumphantly showing us the tooth.  I was horrified and let my own loose teeth hang by a thin thread.  I refused to let my mom pull them for me.  Sometimes the new adult tooth would push forward, making the baby tooth exit whether I was okay with that or not. 

Letting go can be tricky for me in other areas too.  Our guest room closet is my place for stashing things.  After lots of work on other parts of the house, I’d say I’m pretty good at decluttering.  The items in this closet are a different story.  They fall into the category of “so valuable to me at one point in my life, but not in use or probably ever in use again, but no idea how to proceed.”  Whew!  That’s a mouthful.  All this is to say, it’s my decluttering dead end.

Today, I approached the guest room closet with fresh determination.  I took everything out and began sorting into piles.  Surprisingly, I was able to let go of things.  My Keep pile is a small fraction of the whole.  There is a papercut art design from China in the giveaway pile.  I shredded a huge stack of old paperwork and notes that I’d kept for a decade “just in case”.  I took the photos out of a huge frame that I’d used to make a collage of my international travels.  The photos are going in an album and I’m selling the mammoth frame.  These were all so important, so valuable, in their season.  How can I let them go so easily when even a year ago, I couldn’t do it?  This is what I was wondering the whole time.  I was trying to figure myself out.

I think it’s because the adult tooth, so to speak, is pushing through.  More clearly than before, something new is arriving.  We need space in that room for a foster child.  I can recognize the items’ past value and see that they are not needed for where I am or where I’m going.  As I went through the items, I thought of what a child might enjoy having in the room.  I talked with God in my head about the past and wondered what the future would look like.  There is so much more to decluttering than just making physical space.  God is also making emotional, mental, and spiritual space for His new thing to come into my family’s life.   

I researched "verses about God and new things" and this is what I found:

• Ecclesiastes 3:1  There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens. 

• Isaiah 43:19  See, I am doing a new thing!  Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?  I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland. 

• James 1:17  Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows. 

• Hebrews 13:8  Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever. 

• Joshua 1:9  Have I not commanded you?  Be strong and courageous.  Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.

As I see it, there are parallel truths occurring here:  God brings new things in their seasons AND God is unchangingly with us always.  His constancy is the very thing that enables me to embrace the new.  To make space (as Brent did 😊).  To let go.  I can do it because my foundation isn’t changing.  God keeps me secure as I go on to new adventures.

Thank you, my loving God, for all the beautiful steps of faith we’ve gotten to walk together so far.  Thank you for the life I had as a single woman.  I’m grateful to have seen and lived so many amazing stories.  You are bringing the next thing and I praise you for helping me make space for it.  I don’t know the full extent of what you have for our family, but thank you for everything.  Amen.

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