I Could Never Do That

 

When we began the process of being a foster family, it was common for people to say, “I could never do that.”  I didn’t say this out loud, but I often thought, “Maybe I’m not going to make it either.”  But, my husband and I still felt strongly about serving this way.  So, we continued checking off licensing requirements.

 

It took a year of starts and stops to get licensed.  Because the process was so long, I was looking forward to actually hosting a child.  We’d had a room set up for most of the year.  After praying over my own kids at bedtime, I’d pause in the doorway of our other room and pray for the child who’d one day occupy it.  We said yes to two little girls shortly after getting licensed and have had them with us for two months now. 

 

The first month was a huge transition.  We went from two to four kids, aged five and under.  I was in my first trimester of a welcome pregnancy.  I say that because I think the assumption might be that adding a baby to this mix would have to be a surprise.  Not the case.  In the fall, we felt God asking us to be willing to have another biological baby.  A friend put just the right words to it for me.  She said, “You just said yes to some beautiful things and they all happened at the same time.”

 

In that first month, not only were we adjusting to being a larger family – more laundry, more dishes, more tantrums, more groceries – but how to help little girls experiencing trauma.  For weeks, they cried every night at bedtime and at intervals throughout the night.  The younger sister tested our boundaries behaviorally, seeing what was okay (coloring at the table) and not okay (coloring on the windows).  Our boys have had increased needs as they adapt to sharing parents and toys with new siblings.  All of this is perfectly expected and part of the process. 

 

It felt impossible though.  It felt like “I could never do that.” 

 

One night, feeling exhausted and depleted, this verse came to mind (thank you, Holy Spirit):  Matthew 19:26, “With men, this is impossible; but with God, all things are possible.” 

 

Jesus was talking about salvation, but I received the wisdom for my situation.  What a relief.  It is okay that this is beyond me.  It is okay that I don’t know what I’m doing and I have to take moment by moment, asking God for patience and wisdom.  In acknowledging the impossible, I began to access the resources that make every day beautifully possible.

When my focus is off my personal failings and instead turned to God, my perfect support and supplier of all good resources, this is possible.  Sometimes, it looks like friends providing dinner.  Sometimes, it looks like learning a more efficient way to do bath night.  Sometimes, it looks like being willing to hold a child when I’d rather be by myself.  Sometimes, it looks like actually enjoying the chaos – the silly giggles at dinner, the running through the house shrieking and chasing each other, the “Mom! Watch me!” at the park.  God has good ideas.  Deeper than that, God is in control of these girls’ little lives and the tough, unanswered questions about what will happen in their life stories.  He makes good possible there too. 

 

So, I guess the answer to “I could never do that” is “Me neither.”  But God sure can and He’s the reason I can.

 

Is there something impossible in your life?  May I pray with you for God to be the wonderfully possible part of your equation?