Worrying and Enjoying

I think new parts of my brain have formed since becoming a mother.  If they were there before, I never noticed or needed them.  Now I have a full section of my brain devoted to making sure my boys are breathing correctly.  I’ve become hyper-sensitive to any noise that hints at an air passageway blockage.  Another section of my brain is for analyzing the air temperature and determining the appropriate layers of clothing needed for said temperature.  Other newly developed brain areas include: stain removal, tantrum management, and fort building. 

With my firstborn Luke, I wished that there was a drive thru clinic with pediatric nurses at the window.  I wanted to be able to keep my baby snug in his car seat, roll down the window, and have a nurse tell me if he looked too pale, too hot, or needed medical attention.  When I gave birth, the hospital just sent me home with my baby, assuming I’d know how to take care of whatever came up.  Silly hospital people.

One time, I had just made a bunch of homemade purees for Luke.  In my understanding, that’s how you were supposed to feed your baby.  Then, I chatted with a friend and she told me about something called Baby Led Weaning where you let the baby gnaw on whole pieces of food so they learn about texture.  I was devastated - - why didn’t I hear of this before?!  Because my confidence was so low, any new piece of information felt like confirmation that I was doing something wrong. 

I’m grateful for this second time around.  Having another son has been a sweet revelation:

I actually like babies.

It wasn’t until I had Micah nine months ago that I realized how much I’d worried through Luke’s first year of life.  This time, I feel like I’ve exhaled.  My brain still diligently looks out for Micah’s well-being, but I’ve let go of a lot of the obsessive worrying that dominated Luke’s babyhood.  It feels good to enjoy the baby stage.  It feels like joy.

I don’t judge how I used to be because I didn’t know how to do it any differently.  There’s grace for that.  (If you’re a firstborn, please go hug your mother! She really tried to know what she was doing.)  If I had a third child, I’d probably relax one step further.  That’s how it goes.

I write this to reflect on my experience and to encourage you readers, whether you’re a mother or not.  Is there something in your life that you’re worrying about when you could be enjoying it?

Is there a present situation that your future self could look back on and say, “Hey, that ended up working out just fine.” ?

Why not enjoy your proverbial baby now?  Savor him, savor your “something” from every corner.

I changed Micah’s diaper before bedtime and I squeezed his chubby thighs.  I kissed his soft wrinkled feet.  I tickled his double chin until he gasped with laughter.  Then I made sure he was breathing normally again, because come on, that’s still just what mothers do.