Not Enough Can Be More Than Enough

Since becoming a mom, I’ve struggled with feeling like I’m not enough.  On any given day, baby Luke needs more than I have.  More milk than my body seems able to produce, more attention when I want to put him down and take a bite to eat, more patience when gas bubbles cause him pain.  I rarely feel like I’ve got all the bases adequately covered. 

A couple of weeks ago, our pastor shared the story of Jesus feeding 5,000.  As I listened, I found myself in the apostles’ shoes (sandals, maybe) and I went home with some hope.  Perhaps God could work a miracle in my places of not enough.

Mark 6:30-44 New International Version 

Jesus Feeds the Five Thousand

³⁰ The apostles gathered around Jesus and reported to him all they had done and taught. ³¹ Then, because so many people were coming and going that they did not even have a chance to eat, he said to them,“Come with me by yourselves to a quiet place and get some rest.”³² So they went away by themselves in a boat to a solitary place. ³³ But many who saw them leaving recognized them and ran on foot from all the towns and got there ahead of them. ³⁴ When Jesus landed and saw a large crowd, he had compassion on them, because they were like sheep without a shepherd. So he began teaching them many things.³⁵ By this time it was late in the day, so his disciples came to him. “This is a remote place,” they said, “and it’s already very late. ³⁶ Send the people away so that they can go to the surrounding countryside and villages and buy themselves something to eat.”³⁷ But he answered, “You give them something to eat.”They said to him, “That would take more than half a year’s wages^[a]! Are we to go and spend that much on bread and give it to them to eat?”³⁸ “How many loaves do you have?” he asked. “Go and see.”When they found out, they said, “Five—and two fish.”³⁹ Then Jesus directed them to have all the people sit down in groups on the green grass. ⁴⁰ So they sat down in groups of hundreds and fifties.⁴¹ Taking the five loaves and the two fish and looking up to heaven, he gave thanks and broke the loaves. Then he gave them to his disciples to distribute to the people. He also divided the two fish among them all.⁴² They all ate and were satisfied, ⁴³ and the disciples picked up twelve basketfuls of broken pieces of bread and fish. ⁴⁴ The number of the men who had eaten was five thousand.

The apostles had been working hard, hadn’t stopped to eat, and really needed some peace and rest.  They tried to get away and rest, but that didn’t work.  The crowds persisted.  Jesus had compassion and continued teaching the crowds.  So now, not only were the apostles still hungry, but five thousand others were too.  The apostles’ solution was to get rid of the problem; let the people go find their own food.  Jesus’ solution was for the apostles to feed the crowd.

This was an impossible situation.  Jesus asked the apostles what was available, food wise.  They gathered what was there, thanked God for it, and watched Jesus multiply the small amount.

Me:  “Jesus, I’m really tired.  I’ve been up with Luke for three hours and haven’t been able to eat breakfast yet.  I want to get away from all of these demands.  Just when I think I’ve got him settled, he cries or poops before I can do something for myself.  I want him to stop crying, to stop needing for a minute and you’re asking me to have compassion on him.  I don’t think I have even close to what it takes to make Luke content right now.  It would take an impossible amount of patience and self control on my part.  Can you just make his needs go away?”

Jesus:  “What do you have, Brooke?”

Me:  “I have some love, a little bit of peace, and one tiny, tiny scrap of patience.  That’s what I have.”

Jesus:  “Thank You, Father, for this love, peace, and patience Brooke has for Luke.”

Me:  “It’s not enough though.”

Jesus:  “I will make it more than enough.  Luke will be satisfied and you will have love, peace, and patience left over.  When you gave me what you had, I took it and made it Mine.  I can take care of all your needs, all Luke’s needs, and then some.  When you take care of him, give me all you have – no matter how small – thank God for it, and expect me to leave you with leftovers after everything and everyone is satisfied.  This is how I show my love.”

As I wrote this blog post over several days of nap times, Luke cried and needed me countless times.  It was kind of funny in an exasperating way.  I couldn't even finish writing about God supplying my needs without practicing it over and over.  I'd put the laptop down, go up to Luke's crib, pat his back, and repeat in my mind: "More than enough, more than enough, more than enough..."  I wiped Luke's spit up covered cheeks and imagined the huge crowd of people with full bellies.  I don't know how God is going to multiply my little amount of patience, but I'm committed to believing it's possible.  I know He's right there with me and Luke.  Jesus is compassionate and so willing to meet us in our need.