Mom Traits: FAITH

 

For Mother’s Day this year, I’m writing a series of five short pieces.  Each will highlight one of my mom’s traits that I respect, love, and (hopefully) can embody in my life.

 

The shadow that accompanies this tribute is my mom’s dementia.  She’s not so far down that road, but there is still the terrible reality of progressively losing her.  I find myself clinging to who she is now, just in case that part of her slips away by the time I see her again.  It’s comforting to celebrate her through writing.  I hope you are reading this, Mom, and are affirmed in your value as God’s creation and ….. as my wonderful Mama!

 

 

Mom Trait #1:  Faith

Many years ago, a Taco Bell burned down and my mom’s co-workers thought she had something to do with it.  She does love a good fire, but it was her prayers that made them point fingers.  You see, my mom is vocal about her faith.  At work, if someone cursed and said, “Jesus Christ!”, she’d call out, “Praise His holy name!”  She told people that every time she drove past a certain strip joint, she prayed that it would close down.  So, when the Taco Bell next door to the strip joint caught fire, her co-workers joked and said, “Hey Denise!  God missed!”

 

No matter how much people have teased my mom for her bold faith, she is the one people turn to for prayer and reassurance when a life crisis hits.  People are drawn to God’s light in her.   

 

My mom is great at listening to the Holy Spirit and acting on what she perceives.  She doesn’t drive anymore because the dementia makes things disorienting.  So, part of her daily routine for getting out of the house is one – sometimes two – long neighborhood walks.    Just a few weeks ago, my mom was walking and stopped to say hi to another walker and their dog.  As my mom pet the little dog, she chatted a bit and noticed the woman had been crying.  It turned out that the woman was living with her adult children and things weren’t going well.  They kind of pushed her to go on that walk because they wanted some space from her.  My mom was able to speak life-giving, faith-filled words of encouragement.  She reminded the woman of God’s love for her and gave her a big hug.  When my mom told me this story, she said it made her feel like God still has a purpose for her life.   Even as a mostly homebound woman with memory loss, she was able to be used by God.

 

I love my mom’s faith and how she’s never shy about sharing it with others.  It’s one of her many beautiful traits.  And whenever I drive by that strip joint, I also pray for it to close down.  The Taco Bell is fine now.

Traits Coming Up:  Transparency, Weirdness, Truth, and Service

I Want You To Have It All

 

Something that’s hard for me as a mother is feeling like nothing is mine anymore.  I’m nursing my baby, so my body needs to be available for food around the clock.  When I’m eating or drinking something, my three year old sweetly asks for a bite and usually ends up eating half of it.  If I fall asleep during the little ones’ nap time, my older son (who does not nap) will wake me up to ask if I will play Legos with him.  The kids chat with me when I’m going to the bathroom, pop their head into the shower, borrow my things and end up breaking them.  I can – and do – set boundaries with them, but it so often feels like my life has become a big surrender of self.

 

In my journey with God, I feel Him asking for pieces of me as well.  Am I willing to give Him my highly coveted sleep in exchange for some early morning Bible study and prayer?  Will I check in with Him about my big feelings instead of eating chips to calm down?  Could I pray while I run on the treadmill instead of watching YouTube videos on my phone?  I don’t feel like God is nitpicking me, but rather nudging.  He seems to be gently offering life-giving alternatives.  You’d think I’d choose God’s ideas every time, but I’m rather content in my usual ways of doing things and pretty sure it might be uncomfortable to do things differently.

 

My Bible study notes this week talked about the book of Matthew where Jesus compares the kingdom of God to a treasure in a field or someone who has found an amazing pearl.  The finder goes and sells everything he has in order to obtain it.  The notes said, “Seeking Christ’s kingdom is worth whatever it costs.”   

 

I think if I truly meditated on what Christ’s kingdom means, the “costs” in my life – sleep, putzing on my phone, etc – would seem so insignificant in comparison.  As I’ve been running this through my mind this week, I came to a point where I told God, “I want you to have it all.”  Then, I started listing all the tough things in my life.  “God, take my lack of energy, take my parents’ health issues, take my uncertainties about what to do in the future, take my sensitive feelings….”  

 

After I’d exhausted that list, I realized, Hey!  He should get all the good parts of me too!  So, I started again.  “God, take my writing ability, take my teaching skills, take my mothering and wife-ing, take my passion for decluttering, take my health, you can use all of that as you want too!”  In prayer at least, I felt like I’d given him all I had.  The Jason Mraz song “Have It All” cheerfully played in my head as a soundtrack for this moment.

 

Then, I felt God speak back to me.  “I want you to have it all too.”

 

When I said it to Him, it was an unburdening of all the stuff I’m carrying.  When He said it to me, it was like a glorious Christmas/birthday extravaganza of amazing gifts!  Brooke, you give Me some of your sleep, and guess what I have for you?  Peace and power to thrive as a mom all day!  I’ve got so much of that to give you!  Brooke, you put down those chips and tell me what you’re upset about and guess what I’m holding out to you…so very happy to give you?  JOY!  I have joy for you in a place where you’re used to accepting sadness and shame.  I have the riches of heaven and I want you to HAVE IT ALL.

 

When God asks for all of me, it’s not because He wants to deplete me and rob my sense of self.  I think He wants to give me Himself.  He wants me to exchange unsatisfying fillers for the rich life of His resources by the power of the Holy Spirit – love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self control.  Time and time again, I choose to stick with my comfortable patterns.  I hope that I will increasingly have the courage to make those briefly uncomfortable jumps into new patterns of life.  Whatever God is offering, I want it all.

 

Matthew 13:44-46  The kingdom of heaven is like a treasure hidden in the field, which a man found and hid again; and from joy over it he goes and sells all that he has and buys that field. Again, the kingdom of heaven is like a merchant seeking fine pearls, and upon finding one pearl of great value, he went and sold all that he had and bought it.