Altogether Beautiful

You are altogether beautiful, my darling;

    there is no flaw in you. 

– Song of Songs 4:7

I believe that God placed a desire deep in women’s hearts to display beauty, to delight others.  I’m not writing tonight to expand on theories of self-image or what society expects of our sex.  Rather, today, I experienced this character quality in a strikingly pure form and I want to share it as simply as I can.

Every year, my husband and his mom participate in a Salvation Army event where volunteers take kids in need shopping for clothing.  This year, I joined the tradition.  We met early in the morning at the Salvation Army building and were paired with a child.  Jeff was able to go with Henry, a boy he’d shopped with the previous two years.  I went forward with Jeff and a blonde third grader with red-framed glasses named Katie boldly took my hand and told the coordinator, “I’m going with this girl.”  That settled it!

Jeff and Henry sat in the first available seats on the volunteer-driven city bus, while Katie marched me to the back row.  “We have to sit in the very back because we both have long legs,” she explained.  I got to know her better during the ride and she shared painful bits of family history that didn’t even make her flinch. 

“Is that guy your boyfriend?” she asked.

“No, he’s my husband.  We just got married,” I said, showing her my ring, “It’s the real deal!”

“Wow!  Did you know a lot of people can’t afford a ring like that?” she said.

“Yeah, it’s a really special ring.  But, do you know what?  I would want Jeff for my husband even without a ring.  He is way, way more valuable than jewelry!”

“Oh, I can tell.  Just from meeting him.  You got a good guy there.”

We arrived at Wal-Mart and our bus load of volunteers and kids descended upon the kids’ clothing section en masse.  Katie needed snow boots and there were none in her size.  She tensed up and started zipping around the aisles, asking other adults if they’d seen any more boots.  I caught her by the shoulder and suggested we put a hold on shoe shopping for now.

“This is meant to be a fun trip.  Let’s make sure we’re enjoying our time together, okay?”

Katie agreed and we switched to the clothing section.  I could tell she was both excited to choose whatever she wanted and nervous that I’d say no to something.  She had an eye for anything with sparkle and would pull frilly things off the shelf, smiling, only to quickly thrust it away when I came over to look.

“It’s not important to get that.  I just need some jeans,” she’d say.

We came up with a strategy:  we wouldn’t worry, but just grab some things that appealed to her, knowing that we’d have to narrow it down to the budgeted amount before checking out.  Katie lit up and impulsively handed me a Hello Kitty black and gold tutu-style skirt. 

“Just for fun,” she explained.  I loved it.

Over at the dressing rooms, we ran into Jeff and Henry.  They were content, having found just what Henry wanted in a short amount of time.  Some tennis shoes, a few hooded sweatshirts, a jacket – they weren’t even going to try anything on.  Meanwhile, I showed them our sparkling bounty of Frozen, Hello Kitty, bedazzlement that required whittling.  Jeff and Henry joined the line with us, to keep us company.  They unwittingly became audience members for Katie’s favorite part of the morning.

While she was in the dressing room, we could see Katie’s little purple-socked feet under the door, turning circles in front of the mirror.  Even though there was a huge line of kids waiting for the rooms, she methodically put different outfit combinations together and showed us one by one.  When the dressing room door opened each time, Katie stood there, beaming.  Jeff, Henry, and I commented on how great she looked and Katie just soaked it up. 

When she went back in for the next outfit, I looked up at Jeff and said, “You realize this is the best part of the experience for her, right?”

He smiled and nodded, and we anxiously awaited the next stylish revelation.

It was eventually time to check out, and Katie needed to make a decision.  She very maturely set three items aside that she was okay with returning, including that Hello Kitty tutu.  Together, we did the math on the remaining items and it totaled exactly one dollar under budget.  God is so amazing.

Song of Songs is a romantic sort of passage, so it may seem strange to apply it to an eight year old girl, but I know God was with us, waiting for Katie to emerge with each outfit on, waiting to tell her,

You are altogether beautiful.

Because she is.






photo credit

Meet Jeff

When I last posted on this blog, I was two weeks into a new relationship.  Today, I’m a little less than two weeks away from becoming that man’s wife.   I’ve written here from the darkest, most desperate places of my life.  As I began to write tonight, I considered writing an introduction to my friends who haven’t heard about Jeff yet.  But now, I think I’ll choose a more unconventional audience.  This is a letter for the Brooke of past posts, the woman who desperately wanted peace from panic attacks, hope for the future, and answers from God.  When my health was struggling, I never expected the pain to last so very long.  Now, I look around and I couldn’t have dreamed of life this rich.

Dear Brooke,

I want to tell you about your future husband.  He’s real.  He’s very different than you’ve imagined, and he’s exactly what you need.  His name is Jeff, but I like to call him Jeffrey B.  The B. is for Brandon; your name if you’d have been a boy.  God remembered that you wanted a tall, handsome one, and someone who loves the outdoors.  God also knew your heart needed peace, so he brought you Jeff.  Being with Jeff is like sitting by the quiet streams of Psalm 23.  He doesn’t get agitated easily (except when he encounters stupid drivers) and his first instinct in difficulty is to pray.  Jeff loves sports and serving others, so he started a basketball and soccer camp for kids.  He hasn’t traveled overseas much, like you thought your future mate would, but he’s adventurous and excited to experience more of that with you. 

When Jeff proposed, it was on a hike.  You never told Jeff that was your dream, but God knew.  The ring he gave you symbolizes Ecclesiastes 4:12

Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves.  A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.

It has your birthstone, his birthstone, and a center diamond symbolizing God at the center of our lives.  That is the best part of Jeff – he loves Jesus with all his heart, soul, and strength.  From that love for Jesus, Jeff loves you.  This is a man who will lay down his life for you and stick with you like that cord of three strands.

When he held out the ring, you hesitated, even though you’d already said yes.  Putting that gorgeous ring on somehow meant that you had worked hard enough to deserve Jeff, to be worthy of being someone’s wife.  Brooke, I want you to know that God will take you through great healing before you ever meet Jeff.  And, when God puts you two together, you will still be really imperfect.  You’ll even still have a panic attack from time to time, even though you wish those were gone forever. 

Jeff chooses you anyway.  After all these years of working to deserve love, it turns out that God never had that brand of love in store for you.  God has a grace-filled, unconditional, day by day, love for you.  It’s the love He has for you now, while you’re still in that awful, dark season.  And, it’s the love He’ll pour out through Jeff when he comes into your life.

It’s pretty amazing.