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When I last posted on this blog, I was two weeks into a new
relationship. Today, I’m a little less
than two weeks away from becoming that man’s wife. I’ve written here from the darkest, most
desperate places of my life. As I began
to write tonight, I considered writing an introduction to my friends who haven’t
heard about Jeff yet. But now, I think I’ll
choose a more unconventional audience.
This is a letter for the Brooke of past posts, the woman who desperately
wanted peace from panic attacks, hope for the future, and answers from
God. When my health was struggling, I
never expected the pain to last so very long.
Now, I look around and I couldn’t have dreamed of life this rich.
Dear Brooke,
I want to tell you about your future husband. He’s real.
He’s very different than you’ve imagined, and he’s exactly what you
need. His name is Jeff, but I like to
call him Jeffrey B. The B. is for
Brandon; your name if you’d have been a boy.
God remembered that you wanted a tall, handsome one, and someone who
loves the outdoors. God also knew your
heart needed peace, so he brought you Jeff.
Being with Jeff is like sitting by the quiet streams of Psalm 23. He doesn’t get agitated easily (except when
he encounters stupid drivers) and his first instinct in difficulty is to
pray. Jeff loves sports and serving
others, so he started a basketball and soccer camp for kids. He hasn’t traveled overseas much, like you
thought your future mate would, but he’s adventurous and excited to experience
more of that with you.
When Jeff proposed, it was on a hike. You never told Jeff that was your dream, but
God knew. The ring he gave you
symbolizes Ecclesiastes 4:12
Though one may be overpowered, two can defend
themselves. A cord of three strands is
not quickly broken.
It has your birthstone, his birthstone, and a center diamond
symbolizing God at the center of our lives.
That is the best part of Jeff – he loves Jesus with all his heart, soul,
and strength. From that love for Jesus,
Jeff loves you. This is a man who will
lay down his life for you and stick with you like that cord of three strands.
When he held out the ring, you hesitated, even though you’d
already said yes. Putting that gorgeous
ring on somehow meant that you had worked hard enough to deserve Jeff, to be
worthy of being someone’s wife. Brooke,
I want you to know that God will take you through great healing before you ever
meet Jeff. And, when God puts you two
together, you will still be really imperfect.
You’ll even still have a panic attack from time to time, even though you
wish those were gone forever.
Jeff chooses you anyway.
After all these years of working to deserve love, it turns out that God
never had that brand of love in store for you.
God has a grace-filled, unconditional, day by day, love for you. It’s the love He has for you now, while you’re
still in that awful, dark season. And,
it’s the love He’ll pour out through Jeff when he comes into your life.
It’s pretty amazing.
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