I Remember That Weight

Women milled about the church gym, holding Styrofoam cups of hot coffee and catching up with hugs and stories.  Our Bible study was resuming after a two week Christmas break.  Snow on the road made for a slow start.  Ladies trickled in, stomping wet boots as they came through the door.  Instead of getting reacquainted, I was making a new friend.  Just after Christmas, one of the leaders gave birth to her second son.  I cradled little Benjamin and studied his serene features as he slept.   Kelly, our teacher, came up behind me to peer over my shoulder and join in admiring the little one. 

This is what the first month of mama-hood looked like

“Doesn’t he feel so light?  It’s hard to remember our kids being that small!” she said.

I paused for a minute before answering, “This was me one year ago, holding my newborn.  I remember this weight.”

My son is now a hefty 25 pounds, but I remember his 7 ½ pound body.  I remember all the thoughts and feelings and responsibilities that came with caring for a newborn.  Those things weighed far more than any physical pounds.  Those feelings were fresh as I held Benjamin and hugged his sleepy mama.

As time passes, I know it will be harder to remember that season of motherhood.  All the details – diapering, sleepless nights, decisions about feeding, stages of development – will slip further from my current experience.  Maybe I’ll have memories, but the feelings will fade.  So now, while I’m still close, while I’m still just around the corner from those challenges, I want to offer my hand to those who need it. 

Lately, I’m learning that the people around me don’t need my advice.  They need someone to hold their weight for a little while.  To listen, to care, to pray.

Not very long ago, I was thirty-something and single.  I was grateful for my life, but I also had days and nights when I ached with the pain of being alone.  I remember that weight.  May I carry yours for a little while?

Before God brought me some healing, I had years where I couldn’t get out of bed in the morning.  I didn’t want people to ask how I was doing because I’d have to lie or start crying.  I remember that weight.  May I carry yours for a little while?

Five years ago, I had to learn how to eat differently to heal my body.  My favorite meals were suddenly off-limits.  I lost weight just because I didn’t know what was okay and what wasn’t.  I grieved saying goodbye to cheese and not eating at social events.  I remember that weight.  May I carry yours for a little while?

I recently moved to a new city, got married, had a new job for awhile, then had a baby and now stay at home.  It was a lot of transition in a short period of time.  All the changes were exciting, but again, it was a lot.  I remember that weight.  May I carry yours for a little while?

I don’t have all the answers, but I’m not afraid of what you’re holding.  Our stories are different, but I came out on the other side.  I did!  I can still hardly believe it…. because not too long ago, I was carrying that weight.  I’m carrying some other heavy things right now.  Perhaps, you’ve gone through before me.  Maybe you know what this particular weight feels like.  Could you help me too?