This is my journal from the afternoon I spent with Esther. It's a prayer conversation with God, a sweet way to draw close to Him amidst mixed feelings from all I was seeing and learning in my first few days in Uganda.
February 22, 2013
3:20pm
Kampala, Uganda
I sat with Esther this afternoon and heard about being
unloved and unwanted, raped, beaten, cheated, and lonely. She cried and wiped her face with a
washcloth. I honestly thought, ‘There is
nothing she can say that would make me think of her as unlovable. Even if she had been the one doing the
beating or cheating.’
I can hear cries
of babies next door. Babies who were
left to die in pit latrines because no one saw value in their one-of-a-kind
lives. I can feel love for them without effort
or convincing.
I am very hard on myself and sometimes think God and others
are right on the brink of being disappointed in me. I want to love and accept myself as you do,
God. I want to see and treat others with
Your love and grace. How do You do it? Doesn’t it hurt when You’re rejected or
misunderstood? How do
You handle
it?
Brooke,
You
must begin to take your stand against the devil’s schemes. The world you see is physical and it reflects
a far bigger spiritual reality. There
are spirits of evil at work, telling people that My kingdom is not real. That there is no hope, no peace, no life value. What do I say?
I
say every life has infinite value. I
bring good forth in every. single. birth.
Every one. Who is man to say what
I have made in hidden places is not worth feeding, loving, and protecting? People who despise the life of a child
reflect a heart that despises their own life.
Somewhere, sometime, they came to believe that they lost value in this
world. I don’t think so.
There
is nothing My children can do to separate themselves from My love, In the brightest clean or darkest dirty, I am
there, I am God, I AM LOVE.
It
is dangerous to feed on the lie that you have no value or that your value lies
in what you accomplish. Your value and
loveliness is just who you are. You can’t
be more my daughter than what you are.
It’s set. Strong. High.
Value. Unshakable.
Now,
whether or not you believe this truth is your choice. I will help you. Listen to Me and I will tell you again and
again and again: You are My
daughter. I love you. I love you.
When you’re hurting, you’re My daughter.
I love you. I love you. When you awake, sleep, teach, drive, cook,
talk, walk…. You are My daughter. I love
you. I love you.
This
love is truly all you need in this life.
I don’t need your clothes, money, craft projects, or good deeds. I need your trust, expressed through praise
and the true confessions of your heart.
Then, your actions will burst forth with My Name stamped all over them.
Remember
the raging battle and fight through worship.
Raise a banner that says whose side you’re on. Let that evil army flee in terror; terror that was originally intended to trap
and disarm you. But it didn’t work this
time. You picked up your banner of
praise and thanksgiving.
Look
at the world with eyes that say: I see you.
God sees you. You are wanted and
loved. You matter. You are forgiven for everything. Everything.
Be at peace once again with your Maker.
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