“Why Do You Need to Rock Someone?” and Other Recent Happenings

An interesting part about living in China is Sunday fellowship. Beijing International Christian Fellowship (BICF) has several meeting places around town. After trying a few, I found home with a smaller branch called BICF Next. Up until a few weeks ago, we met in a conference room in a “leisure center” (big building with a health club in it). That room is now under renovation, so we are meeting in a restaurant. Yesterday, I headed to the service, but I had never been to this restaurant. I got lost and straggled in late. The host greeted me and asked how many were in my party. I said, “Actually, I’m here to pray with a bunch of foreigners. Do you know about that?” He nodded and directed me upstairs. The moment made me smile. It felt like a crazy thing to ask at a restaurant. I found a seat next to the bar and joined in the service!

After fellowship, I bought a treat – whole wheat bagels – from a foreign food store and headed for the bus stop. Those of you who followed my stories when I lived in Nanchang know that crossing the street is a special issue for me. I’m not afraid like I used to be, and can now be seen standing in the middle of moving traffic, casually texting on my phone. So, there I was, bagels in hand, stepping off the curb into the frenetic dance that is Beijing traffic. I looked to my left and heard, “Hey! Hey!” from the right. Thud! and I was in a scooter driver’s lap! That’s right, friends. I walked into a moving scooter. Thankfully, he must have decided that I wasn’t going to stop, so he wasn’t going very fast. I swore, apologized, patted his arm, and we were both on our way again.

This morning, I was writing lessons in the office. My friend Rhachel had music playing on her computer and “We Will Rock You” came on. Our Chinese co-teacher, Cara, giggled and asked me, “What does this song mean?” I stumbled through an explanation and finally settled with, “It’s just fun to sing.” To which she asked, “Why do you need to rock someone?” Good question! I challenge all of you to try explaining this and let me know if you come up with any good conclusions. The next song was “Ice, Ice Baby”. Cara didn’t ask about that one.

Publically Relating

Meet in Vivian’s office at 4:30 on Thursday. Wear black.

Those two instructions encompass the information I was given about an overnight public relations trip to Yinchuan, a town in China’s north-central Ningxia Province. Mr. Chen, my school’s principal, invited three foreign teachers to join him. As the adventure progressed, the other teachers – Sam and Jon – and I learned more details. We were going to show our support of a study abroad program called AP. We are not connected to the program, as it is based in the high school, but the high school’s foreign teacher “doesn’t look foreign enough”.

On the way to the airport, we were introduced to the other members of our traveling crew: Helen and Karen, who are both school administrators with English fluency, and a high school teacher named Peter Pan. While waiting in the security line, Mr. Chen struck up a conversation with me. The result of that interaction was that he began telling people I was fluent in Chinese, which is nowhere close to true. Jon laughed and told me I had made a mistake in showing any Chinese knowledge at all: “I just gave him a blank look. When we get on the plane, I’m going to lick the windows. I set the bar low, Brooke. Now I won’t have to spend the whole trip with him trying to speak Chinese to me!”

Once in Yinchuan, we met our sister-school officials. A man whom I’ll call Lenny spoke some English and asked me a bunch of questions about myself, which come into play later in this story. They drove us to a fancy restaurant where we had a banquet. It was 9:30pm and we were still full from the dinner we ate in Beijing, but it was important to show our hosts respect by trying all the food. Lenny insisted that I sit next to him. As I sat down, he leaned in and said, “I will teach you Chinese and you will teach me English. Okay, Teacher?” We began to eat and Lenny went around the table, announcing only each person's name and title. I was the last to be introduced. Lenny boomed, “This is Brooke. Her Chinese name is Xiao Xi. It has the same meaning as her English name. A small stream. You know, water. Xiao Xi is twenty-nine years old. She is a pretty girl. She is from Washington. That is not the capital of America. It is in the northwest of America. She is welcome to come to Yinchuan anytime.” I thought, ‘Ohhhhh golly.’ I may have said it out loud. My embarrassment wiped out that part of the memory.

Throughout the meal, Lenny called me “Teacher” and asked me how to say things in English. Because it was a typical Chinese banquet, it involved a lot of alcohol (not for me though, per an ELIC commitment), so Lenny’s speech ability and content worsened as the night progressed. “Fish head. Fishhh head. Am I saying it right, Teacher? Fishhhhhh head.” Many of his comments made me feel uneasy. Later that night, the Father blessed me when Sam made some staunchly protective measures on my behalf.

The next morning, we toured Yinchuan’s No. 2 High School. It was an expansive campus. We spent time in a classroom, talking with AP students. I first spoke with a group of girls. They were extremely shy and I wasn’t sure how to put them at ease, so I cut to the chase. “Which of you has a boyfriend?” I asked. Giggles and raised hands followed. Then, our conversation took off.

After an hour of speeches in the auditorium and lots of photos, we drove to a lunchtime banquet with Yinchuan’s mayor. It was lavish. I felt out of place, but had a lot of fun. Near the end of the banquet, they began a drinking game. A server came around with a special deck of cards and everyone had to take one. In turn, each person read the thoughtful quote from the card, and carried out the included drinking challenge. Since I was drinking cola, they told me I had to sing instead. I knew which song I was going to sing – I’ve been to banquets like this before. I keep “Adelweiss” in my figurative back pocket, knowing that Chinese people love the song and will usually sing along, thus lessening the pressure of a solo. Even so, I told them I needed to think for a minute, secretly buying myself some time to catch my breath and will my hands to stop shaking. I eventually wavered through the song, thankful for those who clapped and swayed encouragingly. When it was Jon’s turn, I expected him to have to sing too, but his card demanded that all the women at the table go over and toast him. Lucky guy.

Our time in Yinchuan ended with a short tour of the city. I didn’t get to do touristy things like riding a camel or surfing sand dunes. I didn’t even get to see my friends Annie and Brian, but I am glad I went. In many small ways, I hope my interactions there reflected my Abba. I enjoyed the chance to see a new place and learn more about my co-teachers, Jon and Sam. Helen is my neighbor and Karen is moving into the building next week, so I look forward to more time with them in the future. He is good. In Beijing, in Yinchuan, and wherever you are today.

.

What's in the Kitchen?

Yay Beijing! Skim milk, marionberry jam, and butter are widely available.

Arm and Hatchet Baking Soda - just as good as Arm and Hammer, but the hatchet gives the product a menacing edge over the competition.

Namely Wash the Oatmeal is good sprinkled with brown sugar. I've always had an aversion to clowns, but I can overcome that for the best quality sugar.

Complete, Embarrassing Love

Last week’s fellowship talk was about the father’s embarrassing love. How we often ask him to show us his intimacy, but feel awkward or uncomfortable anticipating what that could look like. It might make me unacceptable to people around me. I might be compelled to act in socially weird ways. I know I’m cautious in the extent to which I engage in his love, which is a silly notion when I look at it in print. Why should I care what others think? Right now, I can type things like, ‘I want to experience the father’s love to its full extent.’ Those words are safe on the screen. They’re good, upright yearnings, and they can stay where they are – an inactive journal page. When those words come off the screen and come out of my mouth, something changes. his spirit challenges the words; testing them against the Book and his definition of love.

First John says that no one has seen the father, but through loving one another, he lives in us and his love is made complete. So, when I ask for his love, I am really asking for opportunities to love others. It’s as if he’s saying, “Brooke, do you want to see my love? You’re going to watch it coming from your own mouth and your own hands.” Rarely have I thanked him for times when showing love was difficult or uncomfortable. Those are the times when I most rely on the father’s heart for that person because my insufficiency is starkly apparent.

I yearn to live in the comfort of a predictable bubble, but I yearn to see the father’s love without boundaries. Why do I make it a tug-of-war? Is it possible that I’ll eventually delight in being uncomfortable, just so I may get one more sip of his uninhibited love? I’ve always liked more difficult hikes because it feels good to work hard for the view. Showing the father’s love is similar, only he is hiking with me, carrying the pack. This word picture is a little cheesy in a “Footsteps in the Sand” sort of way, but really powerful too.

When I consider situations where I might show love, orphanages and homeless people come to mind. Playing with a disabled Chinese orphan would certainly be a story. But, I’m guessing I won’t have to go that far today. There are neighbors in my stairwell that I could invite for dinner. Knocking on a stranger’s door and beginning that “Hello, I’m the foreigner who lives upstairs and I think we should know each other better…” conversation is terrifying. I don’t know where the opportunities will be – whether I should be looking for them, or waiting for the father to bring them, or some combination of those things.

Today, may we be presented with opportunities to love one another. May we use his resources before we come to the end of our own, so we may see his love active and complete here on earth. May he embarrass us with a love that goes beyond all intellectual capacity.

9-12-09

Today was a gorgeous Saturday. My friend Kimber and I agreed that it was the perfect day for exploring. We took a bus to Yuyuantan, a nearby park that neither of us had visited before. We got hungry and while we were looking for a place to eat, a man roasting chestnuts on the back of his bicycle tried to sell us some. I'd never eaten one before, so he gave us a free taste. He was pretty funny - I hope the photo captures some of his joi de vivre. I took some pictures and videos (too big to post now, maybe will come later!) of my neighborhood so you can get a feel for daily life. I'll try again later and I'll walk more slowly, but these are a start. I love how life is shared out on the streets here. China is such an awesome place.

Chestnut roaster:


Street haircut:

What’s To Like About Beijing?

10. The subway is clean, efficient, and has bilingual announcements at each stop.
9. Dogs are popular pets and people take good care of them.
8. Nearly all western food products are available, if you’re willing to pay more for them.
7. There’s an organic vegetable and fruit market in my neighborhood.
6. The 2008 Olympics live on.
5. History and the present are curiously intermingled; like a huge, ancient city gate next to a flashing billboard.
4. Street life – dancing, old men playing cards, musicians, food carts with big woks, bicycles…
3. One gorgeous park after another.
2. You can jog on the sidewalk and no one stares or cares (unlike my experiences in Nanchang).
1. There aren’t many places to hike, but the Great Wall is a bus ride away, and you’ve got to admit – that’s pretty sweet.

In His System, Behavior Challenges Lead to Better Relationships

I have been a teacher for seven years. Six of those years were at American public schools; one year was at a university in China. This year, I’m teaching fourth grade English at a Chinese private school. Teaching is my ideal job. I delight in finding creative ways to make information relevant and accessible to distinctive learners. I am pretty confident in my ability to teach well. There is a fine line between confidence and arrogance and maybe I was jumping between the two too much. It doesn’t matter if I was due for some humility or not, but yesterday I had an experience that took me down several notches.

One class’s behavior is really challenging. I spend most of the forty minute class trying to get the kids to sit down and stop teasing each other. A handful of students are openly defiant, talking back to me in Chinese when I discipline them. Yesterday, a boy continually rummaged through his desk, instead of participating. It became distracting, as he took things out to show the other kids. I eventually picked up the desk, moved it to the side of the room, and gave him his English book. He threw the book on the floor. I ignored him and kept teaching.

My goal was to eliminate distraction and follow through on my expectation that everyone in class participates. Still, I know I acted in anger. After class, I was still angry and I spewed the story to my American teammates, not caring that my Chinese co-workers were listening too. Later, in the teacher’s cafeteria, a head teacher spoke to me with someone translating. She explained how I set myself up as the students’ enemy and created a harsh learning environment. My response to the class’s behavior was too strict. I was shocked. I was still getting over how badly I felt I had been treated, and now I was in trouble? At the same time, I saw how my actions had created a rift in relationship. In that light, my self-justification was replaced with remorse. I began to cry, right there in the cafeteria, which was so humiliating. I didn’t sob or anything, but there was no hiding it either. I wanted to run far, far away, but managed to keep listening and ask a few questions about the best way to handle things in the future.

This incident has not really changed my views on classroom management. However, it has given me an opportunity to receive grace – from my father, even as I sat there being reprimanded, and this morning, from the head teacher, who apologized and reached out to me in her own indirect way. It has also been a place to practice putting relationship before my own needs. Relationships are highly valued in China. It takes a lot of time to develop trust. People will prioritize relationships far above any personal needs. Part of the reason I’m here is to be an ambassador of one who created the whole concept of reconciled relationships. So I apologized to the head teacher. I’m going to run the classroom more closely to the way she suggested.

Already today, there has been fruit in some of my other relationships at school. Maybe people feel like they can be real with the girl who lost it in the cafeteria! I’m swimming in grace and excited to see more doors opened so that reconciliation can be realized by everyone.

Right Here, Right Now

Last night, after the air cooled down, I went for a run. It was wonderfully windy and I caught a beautiful sunset. While walking back to my dorm, a young man in a white shirt and tie approached me. He walked with me and talked about how he's in Colorado for his two years of LDS work. We ended up having a long discussion about how we came to know truth, how we currently determine truth, how we feel we are being spoken to, and the authority of the Book. It was seriously awesome! The sun went down and the wind picked up (later there was a pretty intense storm), so I asked if he'd join me in the L's thought. He didn't have it memorized yet, but wanted to think together anyway. It was an encouraging encounter. I don't want to generalize too much, but when I looked at him, all I saw was a fellow created one, searching to know Him more deeply and serve Him with greater diligence. That's what I'm trying to do too. The Father gives us opportunities to interact across human-made boundaries right where we are. China is going to be awesome, but this was awesome too. Thanks, Father!

You Will Be Led Forth in Peace

Early Monday morning, my parents drove me to the airport and we said goodbye. In the previous days, I'd asked Him for a peaceful departure so I reminded myself to watch for how He'd provide peace. I cried a little as I shuffled into the security line, then came Peace Provision A: Tarl. Tarl was in front of me in line and turned back to make general conversation, "So, is it early enough for you?" When he looked taken aback, I briefly explained my tears, then encouraged him to distract me with a story. He told me about his work travels and we connected over our dedication to nine hours of sleep per night. The chatter was a blessing.

Later, on the plane, I had a great discussion with the woman next to me and then slept the rest of the way. Stepping into the Denver airport brought a rush of loneliness. I reminded myself that I am never alone and walked to the place where my organization would meet me. A friend I'd known in China was there and we chatted all the way to the training campus. Peace Provision B - check! The tears have not returned even once and it has been an awesome privilege to meet so many new people with wonderful stories of how they came this far.

A Rich Day

Today was full of reminders that life is rich. Not mediocre. Not lacking. Rich. Amidst the endless little to do's of preparing to leave, it was good to have a day like today. Here's what happened:

*Breakfast with Janet: She's my 91 year old thought partner. When I arrived at her house, the table was set with pretty china plates and tea cups. Janet's drinking water comes from a well in her backyard, so she poured me a glass from a large jar. Curiously enough, the orange juice was also served from a canning jar, but I didn't ask if she had an OJ well. We ate, read some King James out loud from a Book her parents gave her in 1943, and talked to J together. Then, we picked raspberries. Janet is waiting for J to return any day now and told me she'd be waiting for me at the east gate in heaven (the phrase comes from a song). I drove away, hoping that the image of her standing on her front lawn waving would be indelibly fixed in my memory.

*Meeting James Vincent: My former roommate, Becky, gave birth to a little boy last Friday. At four days old, I'm pretty sure he's the newest baby I've ever held. Usually babies look a little smooshed and awkward until they're older. James was captivating. I found myself studying the wrinkles on his tiny feet and watching his face morph through interesting expressions as he slept.

*Lunch with Karin: My former co-worker and I chatted over lunch. She's a reminder of how He puts people in your life for specific times and purposes. Three years ago, the two of us bonded over figuring out how to teach fourth grade for the first time. She's been an invaluable support ever since, even though our work positions have changed a couple of times.

*My Laptop Arrived: For the first time, I own my own computer. No matter how I look at it, I'm one wealthy, privileged girl.

According to Your Faith...

"According to your faith it will be done to you." - Matt. 9:29

This morning I was reading and thinking about how faith plays out in life. I'm wrestling with this, and I'd love it if others would join me. I associate faith with positive things. I believe in J's ability and plan to work all things for His glory, no matter how impossible it may seem to my human brain. This morning's new reflection is that what I believe can work against me.

I am nervous about going to training in Colorado and Beijing because I believe I'll be sad to be apart from my family and friends and it will be difficult to make new friends. Could it be true that if I have faith in those negative ideas, they will happen?

Regardless of what happens, He works things for good (Romans 8:28). I may be lonely initially, but He speaks through loneliness and that's worth celebrating. I may feel unsettled without familiar things, but He draws people to His peace through unsettling situations, and that's awesome.

Even in light of His ability to bless in any situation, what's the point of expecting things to work out badly? As a means of testing this idea, I'm going to look for amazing circumstances throughout the month of training/classes in Fort Collins and Beijing.

Here's what I expect:
- to meet people that I not only get along with, but can connect with deeply
- to learn things that will sharpen my teaching skills
- to have peace instead of homesickness

What Would I Do Without J and Protein Bars?

My hands shake when I need to eat. My morning dental procedure prevented me from having lunch, which in turn made it difficult to twist the keys off my keychain. Candy, one of Arrowhead Elementary's office managers, noticed and offered to help. I freed the keys, handed them over, and tears began to flow. Moments before, I had walked away from my empty classroom feeling grateful for all the ways He had provided there. I was proud of myself for not being overly sentimental. What was it about those keys? They were my last connection. A symbol that I belonged there. Candy hugged me tightly and gave me a protein bar. As I drove home, I spoke verses out loud and felt renewed excitement for all that's ahead. When I shared this story with my roommate later on, she said, "That sounds like you." Many, many emotional moments in my life involve me crying and eating some kind of bar. In my version of the Book, Matthew 17:20-21 would read, "I tell you the truth, if you have faith and proper blood sugar, nothing will be impossible for you."

Response to Hannah's Story

As if I could ask too much
Of the One who holds all resources
As if I could ask the impossible
Of the One who knows nothing of that word
As if I could ask for the wrong thing
From the One who refines my desires
Ridiculous.

I'm asking for more
Healing, power, unity, peace
I'm expecting more
Yeses, nos, waits. . . . wait
Knowing that He delights in my asking
Communes with my reaching
Responds before my thoughts form
Incredible.

Dedicating His answers back to His service
I'll ask for more
Until the desert floods
Mountains lay flat
Every knee bows
And every tongue confesses
Amen.

Get Over Yourself

Part of my preparation for working in China involves taking classes in July and August. A month ago, I received a large box of homework that is due when I arrive in Colorado at the end of July. I was pretty bitter about having to read multiple books and write academic papers in this time when all I want to do is play frisbee and go to barbecues. I've now read two of the assigned summer books and can honestly say I'm glad someone required me to read them (my attitude about writing the papers remains unchanged).

The most recent book was "China Road" by Rob Gifford. Up until now, I've been largely focused on how I will thrive in China. How will my teaching situation work out? Will there be any parks near my apartment? What kind of toothpaste will I buy (there are some exotic flavors available over there)? Reading this book challenged me to put myself on hold and think about life for a typical Chinese person. How are they surviving? What challenges do they face daily and in the near future? There are issues that reach far deeper than toothpaste.

That Was Me

I joined my extended family in Port Ludlow for Memorial Day weekend. On Sunday, I woke up without an alarm but early enough that the rest of the family was still sleeping. My brother's two-year-old golden retriever, Brinkley, greeted me as if we had been apart for ages, so I capitalized on her energy and took her for a run. As we ran, I considered whether or not I would try a local fellowship that morning. I don't think it's the end of the world to skip a Sunday, but I also really enjoy being a part of His greater family. In the end, Brinkley helped me decide. I wanted to walk past our driveway for an extended cool down, but she put her full body weight and stubborn will into making sure we turned towards the cabin.

So, thirty minutes later, I walked into a local fellowship with wet, freshly showered hair and an expectant attitude. Somewhere in my heart, I sensed He was going to meet me or show me something. The service was already in progress and the small room was full. Port Ludlow is an unofficial retirement community, and the fellowship population reflected that. I stood at the back for a few moments and a short, thin man in his seventies rushed over, shook my hand, and pulled me into a strong hug. With his cheek pressed against mine, he loudly whispered, "I'm Cecil. You're very welcome here." I told him my name, which he interpreted as "Breck."

Then another man was at my side. His name was Dean and he had a spot for me next to his wife, Paula, up front. With arms around my waist, the two men led me through the little maze of round tables and I settled in next to Paula.

During singing time, we sang a song about being safe in J's arms. I enjoyed the song, but was frustrated because I wished I could tangibly feel J's arms around me. When I told Him so, He brought Cecil and Dean to my mind and said, "That was me."

Most Amazing J, let me be You to others too. Thank You for Your tangible embrace through Your beloved men, Cecil and Dean.

No Map

I decided to follow Him
So I asked for a map
A large, colorful map
With bold labels
Beginnings and ends all contained
Within a
Piece of paper.

I decided to follow Him
So He handed me a compass
A small, sensitive compass
With a thin arrow
Leading surely, but along a route
I can't
Anticipate.

As I walk, particular locations
Become less significant
As I watch the compass
And respond
I understand that the arrow
Is attracted to His heart.

Take me there, my Love
Over paths familiar and unknown
Deep woods, sweeping views
Different companions on
Different legs of the journey
Keep me going forward, my Love
Move me towards Your heart.