Slow Down

“When your world moves too fast

and you lose yourself in the chaos,

introduce yourself

to each color of the sunset.

Reacquaint yourself with the earth

beneath your feet.

Thank the air that surrounds you

with every breath you take.

Find yourself in the appreciation of life.”

                             -Christy Ann Martine

Every Tuesday, I attend a group called Mom2Mom.  We watch a video on mothering and then break into small groups to discuss the material with mentor moms.  I love the group and have built friendships that are deeply supportive.  A couple of weeks ago, the video came on and the speaker said something to the effect of, “Have you ever felt like all you ever wanted was to be a mom, but now that you’re there, there are some days when you hate your life?”  My throat clenched up and tears sprung to my eyes.  I clasped my hands together under the table and thought, ‘Don’t cry right now.  Don’t cry.  Just listen.’

It’s probably not a coincidence that God brought up the very thing with which I’ve been struggling.  The ideas shared in the lesson were valuable, but more than that, I felt understood.  Surely if this video speaker made it her topic, many other moms have also struggled with this at some point.

This Friday is our fifth wedding anniversary.  In those five years, I moved to a new town, got a new job, got married, stopped working, and had two little boys.  It’s everything I ever prayed for AND it’s been a lot.  I’m grateful beyond words AND there are days when I feel completely overwhelmed.

God is really helping me and I want to give Him praise by sharing how.  He gave me two powerful words:

Slow down.

In the past two weeks, I have meditated on those words again and again.  I’m blown away by how God is using that message to breathe life into my mothering days.  The grace of it all is, I haven’t been working on yelling less or not being stressed out.  As I slow down, situation by situation, I’m finding I don’t need to flip out.  The kids who are still my loud, active, mess-creators are turning out to be the very sources of my long-lost joy. 

Here are three specific little story-examples:

*I need to prep dinner.  If I focus, I can crank it out in 20 minutes.  Big brother pulls up his stool to help.  Little brother is close behind with his own stool.  Not what I’d planned. 

Slow down...

 

I have them wash their hands.  The boys take turns picking basil off our little windowsill plant to make pesto.  They laugh while whacking the chicken with a tenderizing mallet.  Little brother loses interest and wanders off; big brother stays and finishes making the whole meal with me.  We bond as we work and later, he’s proud instead of picky when dinner is served.

*I’m settled on my bed, reading during the boys’ nap time.  All is quiet.  My favorite.  Big brother does not rest very long and wakes up crabby and crying.  I’m frustrated that my quiet time is gone.

Slow down...

I invite him to lie on the bed next to me.  I tell him I’m still resting and reading.  He’s welcome to lie quietly or go downstairs and play by himself.  He wants to be close, so he snuggles against me and soon falls asleep.  I end up putting my book down to just look at him.  As he gets older, it’s rare to be near him while he sleeps.  I notice his rosy cheeks, his masculine brow like his daddy’s, his small hand on my arm, the faint smell of his shampoo.  I’m overcome with gratitude and tell God how I feel.  I’m refreshed.

*My back is bothering me lately and I can’t carry Little brother like I used to.  We are usually running late and then have to walk at a one and a half year old’s pace. 

Slow down...

We talk about the trees changing colors.  Big brother pauses to ask a homeless man a couple of questions about the man’s truck.  We arrive late, but happy, having savored the beautiful fall day.

Mothering is still a big, never-ending, overwhelming job.  As I slow down, God is giving me the amazing gift of loving this life.  He gives good gifts and He is teaching me how to enjoy all He’s given.

Losing Sleep For Babies

One of my best friends has a brand new baby boy.  Today, I got to hear his tiny newborn cry as we spoke on the phone.  I have a one year old and I already need reminders of how it is at the start.   It’s been a while since I was getting up every two or three hours like my friend is, to feed her little son.  I’ve always hated that part of having a newborn; the surrendered sleep.  It was always a huge feat of will to get up from a dead sleep and sit in a chair nursing at 2am…then  4:30am…  But, I did it.  And of course, the reasons for losing sleep far outweighed a choice to keep sleeping.  My babies couldn’t feed themselves or care for their illnesses.  Their vulnerability was in my hands.  That’s God’s good design for parents.  Not super easy, but definitely super good.

Tonight, I am staying up to advocate for other vulnerable babies.  I am overcome with grief over the heightened debate on abortion.  No matter how I try to understand, I cannot see the issue as anything other than taking the lives of unborn children who cannot speak for themselves.  When I heard my own babies crying, I could choose to go back to sleep and ignore their needs or I could choose to get up and care for them.  Tonight, I am praying for and writing for babies I can’t see or name, but whose lives and needs matter greatly to me.    

Proverbs 31:8 (NKJV)  Open your mouth for the speechless, in the cause of all who are appointed to die.

 Psalm 10:17 & 18  (CEB)  Lord, you listen to the desires of those who suffer.  You steady their hearts; you listen closely to them, to establish justice for the orphan and the oppressed, so that the people of the land will never again be terrified.

To all unborn children:

                You are loved.  You are wanted.  Your life has a powerful plan and purpose because God is your first and foremost Creator.  I bless your every cell, every heartbeat, every thought, every movement and I celebrate your amazing life.

To the child I hope to adopt someday:

                I have been praying for you even since I was single with no kids.   I pray for your biological mom and dad too.  They are special to me because, no matter what the circumstances, they made my son or daughter.  I’m grateful for that and pray so much peace, joy, and healing over all aspects of this.

To women, mothers, men, fathers:

                You are loved.  Your body and your lives are precious.  I serve a God who works all things for the good of those who love Him, who are called according to His purpose (Romans 8:28).  God sees you and has way more power than we give Him credit for.  There is life in Him for everyone involved in this scenario.  I don’t know the answers for your specific questions, but I know a God who does.  Let’s let Him be in charge of life.

I have two friends who, in prenatal appointments, discovered significant health issues in their babies and were counseled to terminate their pregnancies.  Both mothers were faced with a real life choice about how to walk out their beliefs.  They chose life and I respect the heck out of them.  I cannot even imagine that journey and all that was involved.  One had to say goodbye to her daughter shortly after her birth.  The other got to raise her son until he went to be with Jesus at age 11.  I don’t believe either regrets their decision to ignore the doctor’s suggestion, despite the hardships and heart pain they endured. 

Caring for and about babies involves a lot of sacrifice.  More than the few hours of sleep I’m losing tonight by writing, I fear the potential relationships lost because I’m speaking up about something controversial.  I know and love many who see this issue differently than I do.  I wrote this because I needed to speak.  With that, I am also ready to listen.   I would rather look at your face and listen to your heart on this matter than read a comment, for or against.  Thank you for reading these words of mine.