A struggle
Surfaced yet again,
With stronger impact than usual.
This particular struggle
Plagues me daily,
Yearly.
I felt the weight of it,
Trapped in its impossibility,
I cried and snapped at God:
“Surely You know!”
It was an accusation,
From a heart
That felt forgotten.
Surely God knows
What I’m going through.
Surely He has the power to
Change this.
Surely God knows
How unbearable it is
To keep going this way.
I moved on,
Did the next thing,
Washed some dishes.
Within the mundane,
This thought arose:
“Surely You know.”
This time,
It was a statement,
An affirmation,
Trust.
Surely God knows
How this began,
How it will end.
Surely God knows
My heart,
My inability to fix this
On my own.
Surely God knows
And doesn’t delight
In His kids’ suffering.
That night,
The moon was
Nearly full.
I stood, watching it,
Imagining myself
Holding God’s hands.
I said it softly,
“Surely, You know.”
I let my body
Absorb the truth,
The love,
Held in that awareness.
I watched the moon
And listened
To Him telling me back,
“Surely, I know.”
