Recently, I’ve been seeking greater freedom with my
eating habits. My whole life, I’ve had a
sweet tooth. My dad and I used to joke
about how specific our cravings were. I’d
ask him for some chocolate and we’d get nitty gritty: “I want milk chocolate
with caramel. Do you have anything in
that category?” Being a fellow sweets
lover, he could usually accommodate my craving from his candy stash. As an adult, I’ve realized that there’s more
to my eating habits than just enjoying junk food frequently. Food serves as a stress reliever, a comfort tool
when I’m anxious, which happens in some form every day. Making changes in this area has proven
challenging. I relate it to an analogy I
heard on a podcast about a wagon leaving the road ruts it’s been following.
Lord, I’ve been on this road for most of my life,
I know it so well, I don’t even have to think to stay on
this track.
When I’m stressed, I eat something unhealthy,
When I’m tired or having a rough day, I skip my usual
exercise.
When I feel like God is disappointed in me, I watch TV
and avoid my Bible study.
When I’m in an argument, I cry and start to shut the
person out.
These are some of my ruts.
Today I looked up, Lord, and actually paid attention to
where my wagon was going.
The way I’m handling stress doesn’t bring lasting peace.
The way I’m thinking about You isn’t based on truth.
The way I communicate through difficulties isn’t as
gracious or as loving as I’d like to be.
I don’t like where I’m going, but these ruts are so deep,
So familiar,
So …..me.
I tried to turn and redirect my course.
For the last month, I’ve eaten my meals at the table
instead of in front of the TV.
It wasn’t a radical turn, but it certainly was different
than the path I’d been on,
And it certainly took some oomph to make a new road.
With each day, this new path is feeling more routine,
I like where this is going and my next turn will be even
better.
I’m not too afraid to leave the old path.
Sometimes, I look back at where I’ve been,
Who I used to be, who it was easier to be.
I resent that I was on that road.
Who wants to be someone who can’t eat just one cookie,
but finishes all of them?
There’s shame on that path,
And fear that I may easily slip back to that course
If my new ruts are too shallow.
So, Lord?
Will You please help me?
Guide me where You want me to go?
Deepen the ruts that lead to freedom and peace,
And let flowers grow where I’ve already been.
I want to look ahead with joy,
And look back to find beauty covering my past.
I keep hoping that I’ll eventually get it all right,
Have no problems with food or relationships or my
attitude.
That I’ll end up on a road that I can just stay on,
Without having to work or trust You in something
uncomfortable.
But that’s not how this life works.
You’ve always got something new going on,
That requires me to let go of the old and embrace Your
new.
So the next time I need to turn,
The next time I need to leave my comfy, deep ruts
And sink my wheels into new ground,
Lord, please deepen the ruts that lead to freedom and
peace,
And let flowers grow where I’ve already been.
I want to look ahead with joy,
And look back to find beauty covering my past.
